The moment you lost me forever is the same moment that I moved in, and opened the first box. I couldn’t tell your plans, because you never told them to me, hoping I would guess, but treating me as though I were the crudest man alive if I were to speak them out loud. You are a force of contradictions, and the weight of all of our histories runs down my back when I am standing under the sun.
There are Arab traces that make this heart heavier than it might have been in another time and another place, and Hollywood calls for some strange new request for a better idea, and I have not been near enough to take the call. Nor do I think I would, even when I did know what this was, and where it was going. Los Angeles became unbearably light from that first moment. That’s the one that everything sprang from, and that’s the moment it would return to.
Do you remember the first time we walked this city together? I knew nothing about it, only that the hotels in Los Angeles were the best I’d ever seen, and that there were going to be some things in the city that would make me nervous. Some constant ritual that I would be asked into, and one which I could not possibly know or speak of in any contexts I knew.
Do you remember how I asked you to walk the city with me, we would go from one end to the other and tell each other life stories for a night. And you laughed and told me it would take 4 days of walking, and we would never finish because we would not survive. 4 days seemed short enough to me then, they spread out before us like an eternal return . I wouldn’t turn you down, not one request, in Los Angeles, there isn’t one request that I would refuse, but we flew away from each other like balloons on the day of the big parade, the one where we no longer believe in the marshall, and the only thing we can stand are the floats.
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